As the days passed, the mood around our household took a shift.  It would rise like that of a hot air balloon of relief and ashes upon ashes of soot.  To say our emotions were in check would be false.  

There was no denying that we were over our heads.  However, my wife Kellie and I spent many of moments together playing the game of connecting the dots of Sawyer’s inevitable diagnosis of Autism.  

Such memories of Sawyer slamming his legs on his bed sleeping as an infant through the monitor was in fact an early red flag for us.  At the time it was a cute attribute of our baby.  However, it was the first moment that indicated that he felt comfort in pressing against material with all of his power.  A sign that he was calmed by external stimulation. 

Swapping such stories amongst a young family was tiresome as we didn’t want to reveal much around our other two children.  So we did our best to keep our conversations amongst the silence of late hours.  The problem was that we were so emotionally drained those first few days during his initial diagnosis that our communication was survival rather than pure dialogue.

We leaned on one another as we knew that we had to be a united front.  We had to make a plan and not panic.  We had to be careful on how we shared any information to not open ourselves to anymore heartache.

The reality was that we saw little light.  Shuffling through websites was a huge mistake as we were on an Autism overload.  It was like we were heading to a courtroom to defend our child though we had no hearing scheduled.  We were chasing ghosts around a clock that looked different to both of us.  

My son was autistic and the road to understanding what that meant was just beginning.

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