autismdadinthe603

When actors and actresses have movies to promote, they get to go on a press junket.  It’s more or less an all day question and answer session from any media outlet that is granted access.  Unbeknownst to me, I was living my own personal junket three months post Autism.

It started with telling the kids as they had their questions.  However, their dialogue was welcome compared to the non stop Rubin Autism Explanation Tour of 2014.  It was always lights, camera, action.

It didn’t matter if you were a friend, family member, colleague, or a stranger.  The questions and comments came from everywhere.  There was no escaping the conversation as I dreaded almost every opportunity to discuss the current state of Sawyer.

I heard it all.  From will he be ok? Are you sure he’s Autistic? Is there a medicine that will fix him? I bet he will be fine.  Does it run in the family?  You guys still need to live your life.  I bet he grows out of it.

These were just a few of the things I heard.  How I kept a smile on my face during this on going junket was a miracle.  I just felt like in time I’d either snap or hide my anger and sadness indefinitely.  Fortunately it was the latter as I developed a thick skin to what I perceived that others were attempting to either make themselves feel better or myself.

I can tell you right now that many of those conversations hardly made me feel better.  As matter of fact, it made me want to throw my phone away and stay indoors at any cost.  Other than the gym in which nobody there knew my story, I felt little refuge in my existence as Sawyer’s father.  

I wish this was all in my head.  However, it was happening.  I was front row each day.  It was my hidden tour and I wanted no part of it.