When I was 7, the days were marathons, the seasons were a mini series and summer was a movie that I wouldn’t take my eyes off. That’s how I remember it. It was my world of endless possibilities and zero worries.
That was my childhood. That is what I thought childhood should be. It would just all work out.
It’s not that I don’t find myself thinking that Sawyer’s life will work out for him. I do believe that he will find his way. I just find myself scared about the unknown. And the unknown is like being in a maze of mirrors. Everywhere I look appears to be another road to a solution.
The dilemma is to explain the unexplainable. Autism isn’t a paragraph long. The Spectrum isn’t a legend. The unpredictability are not lyrics to a song that brings me joy.
Sometimes Sawyer yells. It happens in public. People stare at us as we ask him to try again and again until he articulates what he wants or needs. Some may think he is being a brat. Some judge how we respond. I can’t control what others think. I’m not in the business of appeasing ghosts.
Sawyer struggles to comprehend what he reads. He can point to a picture. He can read the text. He can repeat a lesson. However, he just struggles to understand what he reads or what is being read. This is who he is right now.
Sawyer gets invited to birthday parties. This is now. I don’t know or want to think about the day that it may not happen anymore. I never had that be a concern for my childhood or that of our other children.
I know what time means right now. I see the success and I live with the struggles. I do know that the window of progress and promise remains open. It’s just a matter of fighting to not let it close.