I’m back

My life has morphed into the second season of Lost. This was when Desmond would be frantic if he didn’t enter the numbers into the computer every 108 minutes. His time couldn’t be wasted and his exhausted soul couldn’t be broken.

While home, our lives run on 3 hour intervals. This has been the around the clock cycle at the Rubin household. What I’m getting at is the Rubin twins like to eat!

Ironically, Sawyer’s life as the big brother seems to reflect his life as the younger one. I keep waiting for this big outburst of something. It’s almost like I’m waiting for it to wake me up as I’m shocked that his adjustment has gone so smooth.

To be fair, our family has undergone months of good fortune. Our community showered us with kindness whether it be meals, stacks of diapers, wipes, and their time. Our friends have gone out of their way to offer their love and support. And my school community made me feel like a celebrity with their overall kindness and excitement towards us. Quite frankly, I don’t know how to thank all of the above as words can’t do it just.

To add to the thrill of it all, my two oldest children’s sports teams qualified for completions in Orlando, which was parlayed into a Disney trip to Sawyer.

For the record, Sawyer at Disney at age 7 was a far greater success than pre diagnosed Sawyer at age 3. Though overstimulated at times, he had the time of his life and he has his grandmother to thank for the entire trip!

He met princesses. He swam. He went on rides. And he loved every minute of it!

So here we are about two months post our new additions. It’s very surreal holding newborns at this point. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that each day I look at the babies and compare what they do towards the baby Sawyer was. It’s impossible not to.

Sawyer was a challenging baby. He couldn’t be comforted. I don’t want life to be as challenging for the twins as it was or even is for him.

I don’t hate myself for saying that though it hurts to admit it. As much as I thank everyday for Sawyer, I don’t thank Autism the same way.

And that’s where I’m at as I take it a day at a time. And now I’m back.

One response to “I’m back”

  1. Thank you for sharing. As a fellow twin parent and with one on the spectrum – I understand the inner struggle. Truth be told – as hard as it may be at times – they wouldn’t be them if they were different or neurotypical. ♥️ You guys are killing it and should be proud.


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